When Love Starts Costing You Yourself
Sometimes losing yourself doesn't happen all at once. Sometimes it happens one compromise at a time.
The Beginning
I didn't realize I was losing myself at first. In the beginning, I thought I was simply loving someone the way I wanted to be loved. I gave my time, my energy, my understanding, and sometimes more than I should have. Every time something felt wrong, I found a reason to forgive it, explain it away, or convince myself that things would eventually change.
As time went on, the things I once overlooked started becoming patterns. I found myself adjusting who I was to avoid arguments, disappointment, or the possibility of losing the relationship. Instead of asking whether I was happy, I became focused on whether the other person was happy with me. Little by little, keeping the relationship together became more important than keeping myself together.
Eventually, I had to face the question I had avoided for too long: Why was I fighting so hard to keep something that was requiring me to lose pieces of myself? I started recognizing that love and sacrifice are not the same thing. Loving someone shouldn't mean constantly lowering your boundaries, questing your worth, or accepting things that hurt you just because you're afraid to let go.
The Turning Point
My turning point wasn't one breakup or one relationship. It was realizing that I had lived different versions of the same story. I would enter relationships with boundaries, but somewhere along the way I would fall back into a little girl version of myself- the part of me that believed loving harder, giving more, and being understanding would eventually make someone love me the way I needed.
Instead, I watched my boundaries disappear. My finances, my blessings, my time, my energy- everything I had to pour became available to someone else. I felt like a cup of water being drained until there was almost nothing left. And when I had nothing more to give, somehow I was the one left sitting with the pain, wondering why I sacrificed so much time while they were looking for something new.
Eventually I had to recognize the common denominator: the pattern kept changing faces, but I kept abandoning my boundaries.
This time, I'm approaching love differently. I can communicate how I need to be loved. I can encourage someone to see the future they're capable of building. But I don't have to empty myself while waiting for them to understand it. Their growth belongs to them. My responsibility is to make sure loving someone else never requires me to stop loving myself.
From Survival to Purpose
For years, I thought surviving what I went through was the accomplishment. I didn't realize that survival was only the beginning.
The heartbreak, abandonment, motherhood, broken relationships, and moments when I had to rebuild myself taught me things I couldn't have learned from any text book. Eventually, I stopped asking only, " Why did this happen to me?" and started asking, "What can I do with what this taught me?"
Only then, my pain began turning into purpose.
I realized there are people living through some the cycles I had already experienced- losing themselves in relationships, ignoring their boundaries, questioning their worth, struggling financially, becoming numb to the ones who actually care, or simply trying to figure out how to reset.
I'm not here to tell people how to live their lives. I want to use my own stories, creativity, and experiences to help people recognize patterns in their own lives and see that another direction isn't that far away.
Diiviinez Essentialz grew from that purpose.
This isn't about pretending I have everything figured out, because lets get one thing understood, no one is perfect, not even me. I'm still growing, building, learning, and becoming. The difference is now I'm willing to let my journey become a light for somebody else's.
What once almost emptied me is becoming something I can pour from-without emptying myself again.
Maybe You're at Your Turning Point Too
Maybe you came across my story because something in your own life is asking you to change.
Maybe you're tired of repeating the same cycles with different people. Maybe you've spent so much time taking care of everyone else that you've forgotten what it feels like to pour into yourself. Or maybe life simply doesn't look the way you thought it would by now.
Your turning point doesn't have to look like mine.
Sometimes it starts with recognizing a pattern. Sometimes it's finally setting a boundary and keeping it. Sometimes it's admitting that something you've outgrown can no longer come with you into the person you're becoming.
I created this space for people in these moments.
You don't have to have everything figured out to begin again. You just have to be willing to take the first step differently.
How Diiviinez Essentialz Can Help
Diiviinez Essentialz is where storytelling, spiritual reflection, creativity, and real- life experience come together to help people see their situations from a different perspective.
I use stories inspired by real experiences to explore relationships, boundaries, healing, self-worth, life transitions, and the pattens that can keep us stuck.
Some stories may feel relatable. Others may make you look at a situation differently. The goal isn't to tell you what to believe or what decision to make. Life is all about choices and free will. I give you the choice to decide what your next chapter might look like if you decide to let me guide you through these rough patches.
My content, recourses, and services, are meant to help you see possibilities I once couldn't see for myself. I want to create a safe space where difficult experiences can become conversations- and those conversations can become personal growth.
Don't lose hope because you can't see the vision yet. Your story doesn't have to end where the pain happened. Sometimes that's where faith kicks in and the rewrite begins.